Songs Of Summer 2009

The recession hasn't just affected our wallets. The music landscape's been pretty barren in 2009, but on the bright side we still have a little less than half the year to make up for it...

Here are some songs heating up the summer so far:


"Stillness Is The Move"
Artist: The Dirty Projectors
Album: Bitte Orca





"Kinda Like A Big Deal"
Artist: Clipse featuring Kanye West
Album: Til The Casket Drops
Clipse feat. Kanye West - Kinda Like A Big Deal



"Southern Point"
Artist: Grizzly Bear
Album: Veckatimest

Some GREAT footage of their performance in SF. The track finds a new center in rhythm.



"The Reeling"
Artist: Passion Pit
Album: Manners

It was a great pleasure hanging out with these guys in Berkeley my last semester of college. I saw them rock San Francisco's Mezzanine the night after.



"The Fixer"
Artist: Pearl Jam
Album: Backspacer





"Best I Ever Had"
Artist: Drake

Drake - "Best I Ever Had" (EXPLICIT)

Terrible raunchy lyrics but killer delivery from the beat to the schizophrenic vocals.



And for anyone looking for a solid, cheap yet filling taco joint check out Casita Taco al Carbon on Cahuenga in Studio City (so glad I live down the street!). My only caveat is that they close at 8PM so unfortunately no late night runs.

Extreme Makeover: Aquaman

Aquaman is the lamest superhero ever. His powers consist of breathing underwater and talking to sea animals while donning tasteless leather bodysuits. Since his birth in 1941, the character's only solid development occurred in 1994 when Arthur Curry lost his hand to piranhas and attached a prosthetic harpoon launcher to his wrist (Badass, right?).

He then proceeded to grow long hair and a beard. With his edgy yet eternally skintight Kris Kristofferson look, Curry finds Atlantis and starts to kick some ass. The franchise returned to basic shitty Aquaman soon after the turn of the twenty first century.

Oh yeah, did I mention that of all the animals Aquaman could have kicked it with in his sixty odd years underwater, he chose a seal for a pet sidekick?

Anyway, I've provided you fine people with some ideas for how to make this miserably flamboyant seaman superhero worthy.


Lemme Lemme Upgrade Ya


The Crystal Sword could collapse into a spinning propeller so that Aquaman 2.0 could jet around the reefs in style.

And when I say jellyfish cannon, I really mean a jelly-school launcher. Remember that crazy scene in "Sphere" when Queen Latifah gets owned?

Just in case you forgot:


Her best work, I must say.

The Big Suck

El mundo hasn't changed much since last week, but there's plenty to update in the entertainment world.

Before we enter the suck, let's take a moment to appreciate a wonderful new remix of those catchy boys from Berklee.

And down we go. Two of the major disappointments of the summer hit theaters and teles this past week:

1) "Bruno" sucked, and sucked, and then sucked some more. Yes, I laughed a few times, but we should seriously consider drawing a line at talking penises. There are simply some things that you will never be able to cleanse your mind of (especially after seeing it on the big screen), and this movie contained more of those moments than "Attack of the Clones."

Borat won audiences because his presence lived as such an obscure and harmless referential parody that we could healthily rejoice in our endless list of Kazakhstani-Fried Quotables. Bruno is such an extreme that it becomes uncomfortable to watch on multiple levels, as if we had to watch the nude wrestling scene from Borat for an hour and a half.

Borat was built out of a strange sort of foreign innocence that can still deliver upon repeat viewings by virtue of his disturbing revelations of American society. Bruno, on the other hand, spawns out of the opposite, and watching the latter for more than fifteen minutes is disturbing in and of itself. Whereas Borat forced us to come to terms with an ugly underbelly of American society, there is a sense that Bruno reverses the camera, revealing less about any segment of society than the willing patrons in attendance.

2) The premiere of the sixth season of "Entourage" was so bad it was like watching a summary of last season sans the shrooming scene (just in case you missed season five, nothing happened). Ari has officially transformed from slightly sympathetic to straight up sadistic, Lloyd isn't funny, and Turtle's smoking-pot-in-the-bathtub relationship with Meadow Soprano is just about as believable as my Sunday strip poker sessions with Megan Fox.

Perhaps the only redeeming quality of the show at this point is Emmanuelle Chriqui, a.k.a. Sloan, who is so hot that we forget she can't act, or that she finds Kevin Connolly's prepubescence worth babysitting. Note: we will never see them in action because the TV might just explode out of confusion. Same goes for Turtle-Meadow.

My favorite part of the premiere had to be the conclusion, because the show actually tried to make us feel sorry for Vince, who had just nailed Sloan's steamy blonde friend in his Escalade and had no one to talk about it with...

Will someone just Gatsby him already? And I'm not talking about Scorcese.

3) HBO's new series "Hung" is actually pretty interesting though unbelievable for a couple of reasons:

A) Lenore, played by Rebecca Creskoff, wonders if she could have her ass licked by the Punisher, which is fine, but she actually says, "Will he lick my ass?" at speaking volume in front of a full salon.

B) Look at this family. The parents, played by The Punisher a.k.a. Thomas Jane and Anne Heche are in the center, the kids are surrounding them. How do these two sex symbols (in different ways) produce such hideous offspring? It's just plain uncomfortable to watch these brats when they enter the screen.

C) Why does he hook up with her?

Dem Blues of Disloyalty

The Democrats must be feeling a little uneasy about their future these days...

Okay, maybe that's a stretch seeing as how Stuart Smalley's recount win in Minnesota busted any hopes of a Republican fillibuster("Doggone it, people like him!"), MC Sanford disappeared to pay an international tribute to John Edwards (Chapurowned!), not to mention the simple truth that there is no current "head of the Republican Party" since that fat fuck resigned to pursue a blossoming music career.

But even though the Democrats are sitting pretty for now and can basically pass whatever legislation President Obama wants, the future looks a bit more challenging for the blues due to two major resignations that have been announced over the past couple weeks.

Firstly, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villairagosa dropped out of the upcoming gubernatorial race, possibly due to his own adulterous past. Villairagosa would have certainly been the man to beat in the upcoming race as his popularity among minorities, especially the state's huge Hispanic voting body, is unprecedented in California history. His announcement, however, leaves the Democrats two remaining candidates: San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and Attorney General Jerry Brown. Both of these choices may be too liberal for a California in the financial dumps. Neither of these candidates can really boast fiscal credibility or economic savvy. Though both men can show off various accomplishments in the trendy green sector, these blue bureaucrats might not be that attractive to the general public that has proven more conservative than most would have predicted. Given the economic times, the people just might put their faith in Her Bidness Meg Whitman. Her relatively centrist platform and business leadership, along with the clear opportunity for California to elect its first female governor ever could prove a feasible victory for the GOP.

Secondly, Sarah Palin quit as governor of Alaska, inspiring a national chorus of Gosh Darnits. The Republican Party had not been forewarned of her resignation, and when the announcement became public they responded with their own "Gee-Whiz!" Her resignation could mean that she's focusing all of her time on her potential 2012 candidacy, but it could also mean that she might not run for president. Either way, the Democrats lose their easiest target to date, for now if not forever, and will have to locate some new red fodder to replace her.

One final note: in light of the recent tragic death of quarterback and all-around badass Steve McNair, Villairagosa and Sanford should count their blessings that their mistresses have never been armed and dangerous.

!Mundo Monday!

After celebrating a long, finger-lickin' good weekend commemorating our nation's independence, it seems appropriate to return to the world at large as it spins in the ongoing summer scoop...




Ginger Ail

FYI: There is an ethnic group known as the Uyghurs (pronounced Whee-gurs).

FYI: Uyghurs typically stand out among other Chinese as many have blue eyes and red hair, and live in the Xinjiang Province (an autonomous region formerly known as the Islamic East Turkestan Republic).

I repeat, there are ginger kids in China.

Ever since Mao occupied Uyghur territory tensions have remained high between the Chinese government and this Muslim minority eastern province. Immigration policies and incentives for ethnic Han (majority Chinese) have continued to challenge Uyghur majority in the region, and today these people occupy 50 percent of the region. Since September 11, 2001 and China's vocal support of the War on Terror Uyghur nationalists have been dubbed terrorists by the Chinese national government, and violent clashes between the majority Han Chinese military and Uyghur separatists have often been fatal occurrences.

Things have escalated further in the weeks following Obama's liberation of two Uyghurs formerly detained at Gitmo under terrorist charges by the Chinese government. Protests over two Uyghur factory workers erupted into turmoil that apparently led to the PLA to fire indiscriminately into a crowd of protestors, leaving 156 dead. At least 800 people have been labeled "injured" in what the Chinese government call the Xinjiang riots. Nominally autonomous regions continue to plague the Chinese state with its lifelong legacy of a disunified and diverse internal empire. Brutal crackdowns in Tibet and Xinjiang stand as living testament to China's domestic nature of insecurity and hark back to the tanks of Tiananmen.



From Russia, With Love

Obama has met with Russian President Dmitri Medvedev to achieve a new nuclear arms reduction agreement as apart of his START (Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty) initiative that will cut each country's current nuclear stockpile by thirty percent. These two countries alone account for 95 percent of the world's total nuclear weapons arsenal.

The governments hope to achieve military cooperation in Afghanistan, even if it just means Russia supplies some weapons. The issue of missile defense systems in Poland and the Czech Republic will surely be discussed this week. The erection of new missile defense systems would support international relations' Offense-Defense theory which suggests that as offensive capability gives way to defensive strategy states can increase defense so as to sustain a period of relative peace. Way to go O-Ders...This Scud's for you.

A Sharpshooting Sham

If you are thinking about going to see "Public Enemies," do yourself a favor and rent "Road to Perdition" instead. You'll thank me later.

"Public Enemies" is difficult to watch, and not because of its blood and violence. If anything, the shootouts pull this utterly broken time piece out of a static gutter, a testament to a brutal truth: tommy guns are the friggin' sweetest weapons in film next to light sabers (though shotguns ain't too shabby). The sounds of Depression-era weapons blasting through a digital audio filter are frightening, and the crossfire choreography, as expected from any Mann action flick, is deftly executed. But at the end of the day we do not care about any of these characters. The only evidence of their humanity ebbs red from their steaming corpses strewn across inexplicably bare Chicago streets.

The audience simply has no stake in the lives on the screen; the film's drama dribbles along a terribly misguided screenplay and score (if ever one was over an overture...). The script, co-written by Mann, a TV writer, and Ann Biderman ("Primal Fear"), does nothing but cater to formula. As the time piece awkwardly struggles to adapt to Mann's cutting-edge camera, the speakeasy script buries itself in cliche, leaving the audience waiting for the next gunshot to wake them up. The ominous, fatal silence that successfully opens the movie to surround the initial deaths of Pretty Boy Floyd and others fails to hold a substantial presence in the movie, removing any gravity that could have given the characters a tangible weight.

The production meanwhile puts all of its stake in the perceived nominal value of its cast that includes superstars Depp, Bale, and Cotillard. Even with these three monster talents, "Public Enemies" lacks dramatic or romantic resonance, and through Mann's high definition lens the story ironically proceeds without any defining depth. Dillinger becomes Depp's least interesting and least creative endeavor to date (see "Donnie Brasco" if you want to see him as a gangster). Dillinger's romance, including his romantic subplot with Billie (Cotillard) drags along after an all-too-sudden jumpstart, only to be laughed at until the over-the-top score sloppily reminds you that you should be taking this moment seriously.

On the other side of the law, Bale's Purvis could have been compelling if we knew something about him other than the fact that he is the quintessentially boring good cop. But we follow Purvis as a means to an end. Not the film's boring end, but rather the more appealing subplot that depicts the messy and painful birth of a national enforcement bureau under J. Edgar Hoover. "Public Enemies" is a mistake of a film whose only strength is its portrayal of mistakes. A silver screen turned grey: its only life seen in the smoke fading above empty black barrels.

Portrait Of An Artest...

...As A Laker.

"L.A. is what it is." Those are the words of Ron Artest who, earlier today, told Ken Berger of CBS Sports that he is "definitely" going to the Lakers. The Los Angeles Times reports that talks between Artest and the Lakers should come to terms this afternoon.

This comes as a surprise not just because of the friction between Kobe and Artest in the Houston-LA playoff series, but Artest also claims he would "play there for nothing." This sounds like a prank, which wouldn't be past the trash-talking veteran, but on the other hand it sounds like a best possible situation for the Lakers. If Ariza decides to leave Los Angeles for the Rockets, the early acquisition of Artest is certain to become the talk of the NBA.

Artest has the power and determination to become a star in Los Angeles. A tough, bad boy New Yorker, his defense has been his greatest strength over his career and is greatly desired by an offensive powerhouse like the Lakers. Artest has that balance of Kobe's intensity and Odom's humor that will hit our city (emotionally) and others (physically).

Artest can put up big shots and use his strength to drive ferociously, but most important for our team is his defensive skill. Kobe and Artest could become one of the great defensive duos in the league, and facing each other in practice will make both of them better on both ends of the court.

Hold on to your seats, folks. And scratch everything I said about keeping Ariza. This deal is simply too good to pass up (or be true for that matter).

Aftermath

Before the long weekend ahead, let's discuss some recent developments in the weeks following the Lakers' championship season.

In a tale of two swingmen, it has been reported that Trevor Ariza is dissatisfied with the Lakers' initial offer of $5 million/year. The other free agent on the squad, Lamar Odom, has expressed his desire for a $10 million/year contract (taking a $4 million salary cut). Ariza, at just 24 years of age, has a tremendous upside that includes rebound ability, defensive smarts, and three-point shooting. A swingman plus, the former Bruin can undeniably play ball and has proven himself confident in the clutch, especially in the postseason.

Odom a.k.a. Gummy Bear, has ten years of experience, outstanding popularity among his teammates and an exceptional level of versatility (though I hesitate to agree with anyone claiming Odom's "ball-handling ability"). The big man stepped it up harder than just about anyone each night of the NBA Finals and played well in the overall postseason after a hot-cold winter-spring.

At the end of the day, it's difficult to discern who's a better investment for the Lakers, though many claim that Ariza's breakout season had much to do with the Kobe-Gasol-Odom threat that would draw defenders and leave number three free to drop bombs. What renders this argument slightly less convincing is the fact that Ariza did not start until the postseason, and his performance with the bench team was just as good. Odom is a bigger loss for this team with respect to winning a championship in 2010, but trading Ariza would leave a major hole in the long-term Laker future. Furthermore, what Ariza displayed in the postseason was nothing short of spectacular from such a young acquisition.

Whether by steal or by triple, at home or away, Ariza's play, more than perhaps anyone else on the team, put out opponents' fire. While Kobe's superhuman focus would keep the team in the game, Ariza's big play factor in the clutch allowed him to redefine what we understand as swingman: he swung momentum.

It would be sad to see either forward leave, but I gotta keep the young'n if I'm thinking dynasty. The Lakers could really hit the jackpot by dealing Odom for a more consistent, younger three-point shooter and rebounder. It would be a blow to the team's charismatic, sugar sweet core, but Odom's inconsistent and lazy play in the regular season next to Ariza's consistent growth and work ethic was frustrating to watch, to say the least. But don't get me wrong, I genuinely hope both players can stay here to win again. Let us also keep in mind that this is merely an initial offer by the Lakers, and plenty of negotiating will follow.